Reminisce
by NimNimAwesome
Summary: He can't tell him, He just can't. If he were to he would surely hate him forever. Language, Human AU,R&R. Don't own Hetalia... use to be One Sided...


**Okie doke. So I was all like in a mood to write a sad story with Hetalia and well it's not all that awesome I tried but school started so i don't have a lot of time to write... thank you so much for the support and I love you my little cherry bloosums!(not a typo) This took me some time along with sad movies and a gallon of icecream so enjoy! It made me tear up a little.**

***Goes to sit in corner to mope because she doesn't like writing depressing themes***

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_ Matthew awoke from a restless slumber to the sound of the heavy front door being opened and slammed forcefully shut. The sound of footfalls filled and tainted the comforting silence with their threatening sounds._

_A voice rang out to ruin the silence some more with a sentence that surely was to be used to instigate a fight with the being. His voice was slurred with the affects of the alcohol but Matthew could still make out the heavy British twang that laced the male's voice. He knew immediately who it was regardless of how tired Matthew was. It was surely unmistakable and it made his heart constrict with heart-break. _

_The male in questions name is Arthur Kirkland, Alfred's lover who drank, and bitched for too much for Matthews liking. But albeit his brother still acted like the clingy bastard that he was and stayed with the fucking nut-job. _

_Though Matthew understood why; it's because of Arthur's pretty face. That man had the world scrambling to their knees to worship him and such a face like his. Alfred is caught knee-deep in the Brit's enticing spell. _

_It made Matthew chest twist and clench with pain knowing that his brother couldn't see that with Arthur he was truly unhappy. That British fool had Alfred wrapped around his fingers and he took advantage of that by every means possible. He drug around the American everywhere, and made him pay for everything. Alfred was nothing but a sweet kind gentleman but that was never fucking enough for Arthur._

_Matthew forced himself out of his hateful thoughts against the British hoser when he realized he was clenching his fists to the degree to which the started to bleed. At this point the argument had grown considerably within the few minutes that Matthew was visiting his hateful side of his thoughts. He heard Arthur raise his voice to a shout that baffled the blonde considering his size or lack there of. But Matthew knew better than to think that his American brother would raise his voice to his British lover. He could hear Alfred using a firm tone with the drunk male but that only seem to be irritating the drunk even more. Basically no matter how hard Alfred tried to calm him down it would end up in him just provoking the green-eyed male even more, Matthew swore it was like poking a bear with a stick._

_He sat up in his bed and swung his legs over the side. Now would be a good time to wash off the drying blood on his palms. His tiny feet hit the cold floor and Matthew hissed at the sudden unwelcome sensation._

_He had barely even lifted his butt off the bed when he heard the Brit shout one last awful goodbye and then the sounds of his brothers boot stomping up the short flight of stairs. Upon hearing this Matthew threw himself into the bed and pretended that he was once again asleep._

_He stopped his fake snoring when he heard the footsteps stop in front of his door. His feet blocked out the light of the hallway casting an eerie yet beautiful shadow._

_There was a slight thud as Alfred rested his head on the wooden door. He lifted his head and stared with broken eyes into the door. He was hoping he could see through the material so that he wouldn't have to go explain to Matthew again that everything was okay, when they both knew it was most certainly not._

"_Mattie," Alfred started _

_He could hear the blankets shift and the Canadian groan loudly and he filled with hope that maybe an ear would be lent to him so that he could let out his concerns and white lies to the smaller male._

_It was a muffled reply but the American heard it and took it as a pass into the room._

_Matthew heard the door to his room lightly and quietly open and close, obviously an attempt to not disturb him any further. Though it was a nice thing for Alfred to do, he was just not a naturally quiet guy, so turned into the door closing a lot louder than what was obviously planned._

_His shoes made an acceptable amount of racket considering that that Alfred was doing his absolute best not to bother his brother any more than he has already done._

_Matthew could feel his brother's eyes burning holes into his back, making him flush and grateful that he was staring at him and the British bastard. Matthew inwardly scolded himself for think such nasty thing towards a person, besides his beloved brother wasn't looking at him with adoration; he was looking at him because he needed someone to talk to. Matthew couldn't imagine his brother with him anyways; incest was something that Alfred had stressed many times that he was against it, so all the Canadian had was his simple daydreams like a preppy middle-school girl._

_The violet eyed man couldn't take anymore of his brothers staring and angrily flipped onto his other side to daringly challenge looking into those sinful blue eyes. They made momentary eye contact but Matthew flushed and broke it afraid to look at the beautiful eyes that were laced with hope and hurt._

"_What now, Alfred?" Matthew hissed, he needed to act as if he wasn't elated that his brother came to him for help, but irritated that he was losing sleep for Alfred's petty boyfriend troubles. He expected the American to burst out in his special way of being over dramatic and cry rivers onto his bed sheets, but he just sat down on the mattress making it sink down with his weight and gave Matthew a sad smile._

"_I just need someone right now." Alfred directed those gorgeous blue eyes to Matthew who was trying to avoid drowning in them. Matthew turned away coldly, not from being angry but because tears were brimming on the corners of his eyes and he absolutely refused to show any kind of weakness._

_Matthew could feel Alfred's eyes sadden when he turned away but he continued to prod and pester the Canadian into talking with him. By this point Matthew was crying, because it was like his brother knew his forbidden feeling and just wanted to rub it in his face. He was never going to be his support as a lover but merely a brother who is supportive and is willing to share advice. And that Matthew up to the point were his walls are flooded with an unwelcome onslaught of tears._

_Alfred had kept on talking about all the problems regarding him and his quickly failing relationship with Arthur whether or not he knew that Matthew was not listening. The violet eyed man decided that this talk of Arthur has gone on long enough, because those silent tears turned into a sobbing that Matthew couldn't control. The noises escaped his throat and made its way passed his chapped lips. Alfred had heard the noises and ceased his talk of the relationship at hand. His blue eyes filled with a worry that would only be brotherly and tender. And Matthew knew that, those eyes that could he could swim in would never hold a passion or love other than what is strictly brotherly. Those eyes will never hold a lust that was exclusively just for him. He needed to stop thinking such thoughts, they were only making him sob louder and harder._

"_What's wrong, Mattie?" the Canadian didn't answer he would never answer, because if he were to brave the words that would carry his confession his brother would look at him with a look full of hate, disgust, and contempt. A look that would never sit well in Matthew's heart, it would be the last look Alfred would ever give him. And Matthew couldn't go a day without getting lost at sea with those eyes. It would tear him apart._

"_N-nothing, Alfred. I'm fine," he could just barely form this sentence in between his constant breaths. Alfred gave him a look that seemed that he already knew that Matthew was full of bullshit._

"_Tell me."_

"_No"_

"_Matthew tell me right fucking now what is wrong!" Matthew's heart shattered at the tone of his brother's voice, he was already angry with him. If he were to tell him that would mean he would be even more pissed._

"_I-I just can't," The smaller male started, "If I were to tell you then, y-you would hate me, a-and-"he couldn't finish that sentence since the very thought of him losing Alfred made him go into another fit of tears. He his face into his hands, he couldn't bear looking into what he assumed to be his brother eyes filled with hurt that he couldn't tell him, even though they were supposed to know everything about each other. _

_Matthew couldn't take the guilt of keeping such a huge secret to himself and making sure that his brother would still love him. His mind was so confused on what to do, between Alfred shaking him begging Matthew to spill heart out to him, and making sure that Alfred would still remain his one and only brother. So he did what his mind could only think of he blurted it out._

_The sudden confession shocked Alfred down to the very core. He stopped his actions of shaking the male and got up off his bed with wide shocked eyes. He backed away from the mess of a being lying in the bed and stepped out of the room. Matthew could make out the sounds of Alfred boots running down the stairs and out the door. His eyes flooded over again and again until he was out of tears._

_That was the last time he has seen or heard from Alfred._

Matthew is now an old man who just reflects on the last time he has seen his beloved brother. This is all he has left to do or offer to this unforgiving world. He sits all alone on his porch dreaming about the old times when he and his dear brother would play as small children. And he would cry tears when the worst moment of his life occurred. His wrinkled skin and wisdom has taught him a lot about this world, it has taught him the good and the bad. He rocks on his porch knowing that his last minutes are ticking away. Even so, he continued to rock in his chair and he shall rock alone. For when he has breathed his last breath the last thought that went through his mind were the memories of him and his beloved together as youngsters getting a lashing for a plan that Alfred had hatched. It made the old man smile as a single tear rolled down his worn face. And life went on. Because the universe carries on without a care or worie its on true job is to keep time moving forward, to make the planets spin, making people grow old and die for babies to come in and take their place. Because the universe is a sick twisted bastard.


End file.
